It Was Always That Way
by KarismaJulian4Ever
Summary: Emily Fields had always fascinated Toby Cavanaugh. 2 parter.
1. Chapter 1

_First, I want to thank you all for the incredible feedback I got from my other E/T story. I'm so pleased to see E/T (Team Tomily!) be so popular and well liked as well as the fact that many of you liked the other fic. I'm back with another E/T fic-likely a two parter. Hope you enjoy and let me know your thoughts!_

Emily Fields had always fascinated Toby Cavanaugh. Her face was like an open book to him that he could read forever and repeatedly. By seeing her shuffle her shoes and stare blankly at the ground, he knew instantly she was upset. When she was passionate about something, she'd eagerly wave around her hands and talk fast.

Emily didn't have the glamour of her friend Hanna, or the witticisms of Spencer or even the sophistication of Jenna. But what Emily possessed was warmth. She was her own personal sun. And in the deepest crevices of his mind, he yearned for that warmth.

Long ago, Toby had realized that Emily would never fit into his world. The world of punk music and dreams and art. No one usually understood him. He was painfully shy and many took advantage of that fact, spreading rumors and pulling pranks on him. As a result, most had dismissed him as a lone outsider who was known as a freak. And as the school freak, he knew his position on the social ladder: rock bottom.

Emily on the other hand, while not on Queen Hanna's level, was well liked and popular. Emily was captain of the swim team, had a jock as a boyfriend… it was as if she had everything. But often, Toby saw her shuffle her shoes and stare at the ground.

Toby always wished that he could talk to Emily, get to know her better. Sometimes he cursed his infatuation with her. Why did these feelings never go away?

He disliked Emily's boyfriend Ben on the spot, wondering how Emily could have ended up with someone so shallow and self-serving. In the most secret place of his thoughts, he would wonder how it would feel like to be with Emily. To be by her side, holding her hand. But he always chastise himself for the thought. He couldn't keep fooling himself.

He could never get close to her, because it would mean risking secrets that he had tried so hard in vain to keep. Secrets that not only affected him, but Jenna as well.

Toby had never meant to be with Jenna. But he was lonely and the solace that she provided him as well as the fact that she cared for him in her own messed up way drew him to her. It was a mistake that kept repeating itself. But in his mind, Jenna was always replaced by Emily, even though he tried desperately to clear his thoughts of Emily. Toby would never be worth of her and he shouldn't even try.

After Alison had caused him to take the fall for what had happened, Toby had done a lot of thinking at reform school. No longer would he be imprisoned by his own secrets and his own past. On one day, September 1st, he had made the resolution that he was free at last. Free from the inhibitions that had held him back. He even emblazoned it as a tattoo.

So when he returned to school, the first person to fall upon his sight was Emily. It has been a year since he had seen her last, but she had changed little. Loose curls, blue dress, open honesty on her face. Still beautiful and still unattainable.

When he finally forced himself to look at her, _really_ look at her, he saw that guilt was written all over her face. He knew that she had been in league with Alison for Jenna's accident. While he felt that Alison's actions were deliberate, he doubted Emily's were.

But now Emily was not his priority anymore. Reform school had taught him that he should live for himself, so he resolved to forget Emily as well.

But fate as always was a funny thing.

One afternoon, he had been passing by the girls' locker room and heard a commotion. He thought he heard pleading, and then heard the sickening thud of skin against skin. Cursing himself initially for getting involved, he entered the room, only to see Emily being forcibly hurt by Ben. Something in him saw red, and before he knew it, Ben was bleeding against a locker and Emily was able to escape.

When Emily came to thank him later on that night, he didn't say a word. He didn't want to. He didn't want to get involved and get hurt. But somehow from the ashes… rose the feelings he had tried so hard to bury as she turned away after thanking him.

Over the next few days, a tenuous trust began to be built between the two of them. They exchanged terse greetings, but there was something-_something_ there.

Toby always felt he was owed something by the universe, for being punished for something he didn't do to protect someone he had felt something for long ago. But he forgave the universe when he became Emily's lab partner.

And after that, in between telescopes and goggles, an unlikely friendship began to form. Toby had always observed Emily from a distance, as if she were a remote star. But now, he could reach out to her. And he was pleased that many of his initial assumptions about Emily were right. Emily was not only beautiful but kind, sympathetic, and loyal. She shared his interests in music. It was as if the stars had aligned. She in turn recognized a wisdom in Toby beyond his years and his painful shyness which became less and less of an issue whenever they were together.

He was happier than he had ever been. He was being accepted and cared for because of who he was. But then Homecoming happened. Toby always knew at the back of his mind that it could never last. Emily harbored some feelings for Maya, the new girl, and while Emily cared for him, the doubts about him her friends had filled her ears with ended up causing her to flee from him. While running, she slipped and fell on the stairs. To his horror, she ended up unconscious. He gathered her up and took her to the hospital, leaving her with a nurse.

Then he ran away, leaving everything behind. But still he thought about Emily incessantly, wondering what she was doing, who she was with. Those few moments Toby had with her kept him going. It was enough. Anything more-well, anything more was not possible for Toby Cavanaugh. He realized long ago never to keep his hopes up, because those hopes would be inevitably dashed. Emily would never fall for him, and it was dumb enough for him to think that she ever would.

But a few months later, he ventured back to Rosewood. The cops, the reporters, even Alison's brother were waiting for him. He endured questioning for hours on end, but they became satisfied that he had nothing to do with it. Like many, many others, they realized that he was Alison's victim.

Jenna tried to reach out to him, but he rebuffed her advances. Toby didn't know really why he wanted to come home (other than for his parents who he knew had worried). Well, he did know why but he didn't want to admit it.

It was because he missed Emily. Somehow everything in his life for the past three years had always circled back to her.

Toby didn't return to school. His parents felt that an alternate one would be best, so he didn't end up seeing her every day. But yet Toby yearned.

Finally, a week after he had come home, Emily came to him.

_So what is she going to say to him? __ Next chapter will hopefully be up soon. _


	2. Chapter 2

He opened the door to her.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," he replied uncomfortably. He didn't know why she was here.

"Can I come in?" she asked. He nodded.

"Sure," and drew back as she entered.

"Do you want something to drink?" he walked her over to the kitchen table.

"Coffee would be nice," she replied, but her tone seemed as if she was trying to repress tears, so he glanced up sharply.

"Emily-" he began.

She held up a hand to stop him. "You left," she stated. He started to say something, but she waved her hand. "You left and I didn't know where you were…and it-"

Not fully understanding the implications of what she was saying, he shot back. "It wasn't like we left it on the best of terms,"

"I know that!" she exclaimed, moving towards him. "But after everything happened, I knew it wasn't you, and I'm sorry-"

Suddenly she exploded into his arms.

"I missed you," Emily said, hugging him tightly. She touched his face. "I thought you were dead,"

He gave her a crooked smile. "Not so much" He noticed the tears, and moved to wipe them with his hand, but she kissed it warmly. His hand stilled, and he looked at her. For the first time, Toby had no idea what Emily was feeling. But she on the other hand, knew exactly how she felt. She seized upon his hesitation and pressed her lips against his. He stood shell shocked for a moment but when Emily brought her arms around him, he responded hungrily.

When they broke apart for air, she leaned her forehead against his. "Don't ever leave," she murmured.

"Don't ever give me a reason to," he murmured back.

She pulled back and looked at him puzzled. "Did you leave because of me?" she asked. "Don't you even know what this has done to me?"

He protested, "No…no. You know I'd never hurt you," his piercing eyes met hers. "You know that at least,"

She stepped back. "Your leaving hurt me," she said.

"I didn't know how much," he admitted honestly. "I thought you'd forget me and move on—to someone else…I thought you thought now I was a freak…your friends—what they said-it seemed like you believed them—"

She silenced him a wave. "You say you know me. But you didn't know I couldn't sleep for nights, that I had our CD on repeat, that I tried so hard to deny what I felt-even though everyone around me knew, including M-some other people," she ended lamely.

He needed to hear so badly that she cared for him like he did for her. "Felt what Emily?"

Emily whirled around "Do you really need me to say it?"

"Yes," he said.

"That I think I'm falling in love with you?"

His voice caught in his throat, and he caught her arm and drew her in a hug. "I love you," his voice was muffled in her hair. "More than you can even imagine. I've always been in love with you,"

She drew back and looked up at him, confused. "Always?" she asked.

"Ever since I first saw you," he answered honestly.

"For that long?" Emily was awestruck. She never imagined that he could have felt that way for that long. She thought back to the times her friends had laughed at him, and she too had avoided him. But to know that he had feelings for her the whole time was extraordinary. A lump rose in her throat.

"Yes, for that long" he repeated and moved her hand to his heart. "I need to tell you something-" he began.

"What is it?" she touched his face.

"Something I wanted to tell you about Jenna and me. I don't want to tell you but I have to if we're going-"

"I already know," she interrupted.

He blanched. "How?" he asked hoarsely. "Jenna?"

"Sort of," she put a finger to his lip before he could say more. "But I know-I know you stopped it, that you told her it was wrong. And I've made mistakes too, so I'm in no position to judge you"

"I was scared," he admitted. "After all that happened, so I ran after I got you to the hospital. I thought that if you didn't believe me, then no one would. And you were the only one who mattered,"

"I do believe you," she said. "Believe that I will never let you down and I will never be unfaithful. You will always be in my heart,"

He touched her again and felt her tremble. "Are you scared?"

She shook her head, and reached to take his hand. "The only thing I was scared of was losing you," her hand tightened around his. "I'm not scared anymore-I'm with you."

FIN


End file.
